What are we doing here?

Let’s dig in, shall we?

“Nobody puts baby in a corner,” right? Well, no body puts Amber in a box, no matter how many corners it has. Ever the girl who just didn’t fit in, I had a hard time relating to most. Kids loved running or sports, and I did not. They loved partying, and I did not. They had talents like music or speech or theater, and I did not. What I learned recently is that all that lack of relation started an internal process (one most, if not all of us, have) that effectively slammed doors to parts of myself for fear of rejection or of losing love.

For a looooong time I felt like something was missing — like I’d let go of something essential to… me. I mean, like most of my life long. I’d capture glimpses of it here and there, but I never really felt satisfied. I walked through life:

Lonely while surrounded by people and sometimes in the most beautiful places (seriously, there’s a book about it)
Ignoring, or at least trying my best to ignore, a pain that was growing inside me (like, a literal pain. Everywhere. “Hellooo!” being disconnected from my body and not listening to what it has to say!)
And, in general just letting life pass me by, thinking I was doing whatever I needed to do to get by (but was I really?)

I’d like to say I did my best with what I had at all times, and that may be true. But the fact remains that throughout all this, the way to make it better was right there with me all along. Like a Pokémon buddy, hanging out next to me but only showing up when I fed it. (Yes, I’m a 35 year old female playing Pokémon Go, ok? I also have a 9-year-old son who thinks I’m super rad for playing this game with him. And although I feel silly most of the time, connecting with him and hearing his “best mommy ever” comments at the end of the day are worth all the silliness I could possibly produce.)

After being let go from a job I had the ultimate love/hate relationship with, I decided to embark on a journey to learn as much about myself as possible. You see, during that time (and really for as long as I can remember), I was disconnected. I spent a large portion of that last job helping build connections for people (which I loooove to do!). But, if I’m honest, what I wanted more than anything was those connections for myself. To feel truly connected to others on a level I’ve thirsted for my entire life. And if I’m even more honest, I needed that connection with myself — that one who’s not my mind or my body. Me.

This is still my story. I’m still thirsty. For all of that. For knowing myself, for finding my purpose, for journeying back to a place of belonging (‘cause, you know, that kind of belonging isn’t found outside yourself, or so I’m told). So… I’m jumping in. Head first. By reading the books, and taking the classes, investigating through movement (Shout out, Yoga with Adrienne! Heyo! ), and exploring wherever the wind takes me. I’m going to find those things, and I’d love for you to come along for the ride. I mean, I can’t be the only one out there who feels that sense of confusion, of being disconnected from that thing that says “You. Belong. Here.” It can’t just be me, can it??

So… join me, would ya, on a journey of self exploration and taking back ownership of what is rightfully mine — a journey Back to Belonging.